Why I Suck at Drinking

Don Draper might smite me, but whiskey tastes awful. There’s nothing pleasant about foul smelling cough syrup stirred together with a bit of regret with a hint of gasoline. One of the common chants heard in the office is “Krofty take a shot. Krofty take a shot,” which is usually followed up by a face akin to one of Santa’s helpers being told that Christmas is cancelled. Thanks to Mr. Brendon Henning’s Snapchat (@btastee), you can see that face here:

 
 

So despite my inability to drink what is considered ‘cool,’ here’s what I enjoy to drink:

  • Electric Lemonade. This is my go-to drink. Know why? Because it doesn’t taste like alcohol. I am struggling to find pleasure and reasoning why someone would enjoy the taste of alcohol. And if someone says it’s an “acquired taste” they’re a liar and probably a communist. Electric lemonade can be described as three to four shots of rum mixed with Red Bull, sugar-free of course.
  • Rum and Coke. See, this is progressively becoming more macho. I like rum and coke, simply because it tastes like vanilla coke. And it doesn’t taste like alcohol! Are you seeing a common theme here?
  • A Flying Monkey. Now I’ve only had this drink once at Granite City during happy hour, but since this picture below describes my level of seriousness in alcohol consumption, I felt it was appropriate.

Here’s me enjoying a Flying Monkey after a softball win. It was delicious.

 
 

In summary, I suck at drinking. I have the palette of a sixteen-year-old girl trapped in the body of a hairy twenty-three-year old. Nevertheless, it’s in my job description to drink with clients. Well, I suck at it. So if you’d like to train me or want some post 5pm amusement from watching me take a shot of whiskey let’s meet up at your favorite bar.

-Krofty